modern greek mythology adaptation where hades and persephone are played by john mulaney and his wife

She’s hades, he’s Persephone

Oh no, no. John Mulaney is 100% Hades.

• Loves his wife
• Is actually pretty chill except when it comes to stupid people
• Can’t stand up for himself when others try to do him wrong

And from what we hear about her, she’s very Persephone.

• Easy to underestimate
• Knows her own mind
• Will cut you

“So, I meet this wonderful lady. Just fantastic, my heart does that thing where it’s skipping beats, and I - all of you think I’m going to talk about how I suavely asked her out, and that is not what happened. 

“I ride up in my chariot, and the first - this is literally the first thing I say to her is ‘do you want to meet my dog’?

“And this - I - this is a sign that this woman is my soul mate - she looks at her friends hanging around and says, ‘sure, catch you later, guys’.

“I’m going to skip forward here a couple of dates - no, don’t - this is not the story of how my wife met my dog - and her mom - her mom - finds out she’s seeing me. Now I know everyone jokes about how a girl’s dad is this big, hulking - going to hunt you down if you’re dating his daughter and he doesn’t like you. But if you say that, it’s because you’ve never had some girl’s mom glaring up at you from like - her mom’s like two inches taller than her, so this little furious glare from around my chin area, saying her daughter’s not allowed to come see me anymore.

“And this - okay, this is when I knew I was going to marry this girl, she looks at her mom and, cool as anything, says, ‘Too late, mom. I met his dog, ate dinner over here. I’m staying’.”

I’m gonna be real honest with y’all, but like no intelligence is as important as emotional and interpersonal intelligence like I don’t care if you don’t know the difference between a softball and a volleyball but if you know how to treat people like basic human beings and understand others have complex feelings and how to approach that with kindness and genuine empathy then I fucking love you with my whole fucking heart the end

i really, really love the moon

“Chemistry is you touching my arm and it setting fire to my mind.”

— Nayyirah Waheed, Flood.

the axeman: if you want to avoid the axeman’s wrath then all of you better jazz it approximately one week from now 

citizens of new orleans: 

You know you’re INFJ when

You have moments and periods in your life when you just need things to be moving at a slower pace, and when things and people around you moves so fast, you get so easily drained just trying to keep up.

..or, you might choose to stay at your speed at the risk of being seen as not participating enough - and as much as you tell yourself that your needs come first, it slowly eats at you.

hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye

cs lewis: are you alright with constructive criticism? i dont want to sound mean

tolkien: no go ahead i want to hear it

cs lewis: they fucking suck

tolkien: thats not constructive criticism

cs lewis: here’s my OC, it’s jesus but he’s a lion
tolkien: Furry
cs lewis: blocked

Tolkien: lamp posts don’t exist in fantasy worlds
Cs Lewis: ok you know what fuck you

CS Lewis: I could beta for you if you want. help you trim the fat on your stories

Tolkien: what do you mean

CS Lewis: I just. you describe a lot of trees.  are trees that important

Tolkien: just you fucking wait. trees are SO important.

~and that day, Tolkien invented ents~

@urulokid

CS Lewis: Not more trees.

Tolkien: This one’s based on you.

casual reminder that Lewis and Tolkein almost completely ended their friendship over Lewis having Santa make an appearance in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe because Tolkein hated it so fucking much.

CS Lewis: bitch

Tolkien: blocked

CS Lewis: wait unblock me i need to tell you something

Tolkien: unblocked

CS Lewis: bitch